life

It's been almost three weeks

It's been almost three weeks
It's been almost three weeks

As of January 26th it'll be three weeks since I walked away from the world of distribution.

I felt I needed to do so because I felt like I was losing my mind as I felt like I was constantly battling with everyone in regards to what I was doing and the thing that I use to really enjoy it was becoming more of a stress to me than anything else.

Since January 5th I have taken it upon myself that my routine seems to be that when I wake up I spend a few hours on the computer and not sit on it all day then I retire back to my bedroom and I sit and watch something on tv until dinner and for a bit after dinner until I start falling asleep and head to bed, but at times I nap during the day.

I know me napping is me still being exhausted mentally from stuff and still trying to figure out what I want to do and if I made the right move from walking away from everything or not. I know I'm always welcome to go back to smashwords if/when I want to as I don't think I would go anywhere else since they were with me from minute one and I have gotten use to the ways they do things rather than struggling through finding new ways. I'm 90% sure I wouldn't go back to amazon, since they started to try to sensor me and fight me on various aspects I felt that it wasn't worth it as it just added to everything that was already building up in my mind.

I also don't think I see me going back to google, I say that for one reason and that reason is simple if I go back to distribution I would just want to keep things simple and I already know that I wasn't making any money or much money from what I was doing so I don't want to further complicate things by going to google, since I know last year google abandoned the google music foundation and changed everything up to youtube music so I have a feeling that they very well will be doing the same with google play books.

I honestly haven't had any thoughts about going back and to be honest I'm surprised that it has been almost three weeks since I've walked away from everything but I know I was always constantly stressing what to do in regards to posting my stuff for free or listing it to get paid and if I go back I would make it a paid option I wouldn't bounce around like I did and everything would be one price it would be more expensive than buying things direct through me but that's because I have other companies I have to pay.

Right now I can't really say my mental health is much better since at times I seem to be rather forgetful at times, for example just last night I woke up and my neck was sore so I figured I would take some tylenol to help with it but before I took tylenol I decided I was going to eat up some left over pasta (yes this happened around 2am) anyways I walked over to where I kept the tylenol and I pulled it out ... Normally I dump a few in my hand (usually two) then I take them over and put them on my pillow or beside my drink so I remember to take them. Then I walked upstairs to the fridge nuke'd up left over pasta and sauceĀ  then went back down to bed, ate it watched some of the show I was watching (Shameless - Season 2 - US version) then I put the show on pause and went back upstairs tossed my stuff in the dishwasher and came back down then I remembered about the tylenol that's when I couldn't remember if I pulled any out or if I have already taken any so I decided not to take anymore because I didn't want to take four pills of tylenol that close together so I went back to bed and dealt with my sore neck.. not sure if I should be concerned about being forgetful about things or if it's just one of those things that happened. I did search a few places for the tylenol last night and I did some others today as well but I couldn't find it if I took any out..

But I know I have what I call "flare ups" in regards to my mental health, at times I'm fine but at other times I question everything around me and if I want to be doing certain things

So right now I don't know what the future holds for me or what I plan on doing, I wish things were different with me, I really do but right now my future looks like a big question mark.